Crazy Fear

My favorite pitcher is Padilla. He is old school when it comes to the game of baseball and I like that. If you ask me, we need to see more of it.

There are two people in this world that I have an unnatural fear of. The first person is Gene Simmons. I've never met him and I'm certain he is a very nice guy. But he scares the snot out of me. One year Craig took me to see KISS, his all-time favorite band. We had second row center, isle seats. Thank goodness they were more to the right side of the stage as Gene dominates the left mostly...mostly.
Not this night. He strutted over to our side of the stage and played for awhile, felt like forever. While there he picked me out of the crowd with his eyes, stared at me, twisting his demon head side to side and then he stuck out his tongue. I was frozen in fear! I just knew he was going to jump off that stage and get me.

The second person I fear happens to also be my favorite Pitcher. I met Padilla at Spring Training this year. I faced my fear and got my picture taken with him. That was not easy, I was so scared, I felt like it took Craig ten minutes to snap that picture. I even accused him of taking extra long to focus the camera just to tease me. I am proud of that picture and glad I got my picture taken with him.

I've heard he's a really nice guy and I'm certain he is. My fear doesn't come from thinking he'll hurt me. There's no reason for me to fear him, I just do.
I've seen Padilla driving away from the ballpark, after a game or two this year, in his orange Lamborghini. Even then fear strikes me. My palms sweat and my heart speeds up, it's crazy!

This weekend Craig, Aubrey and I waited at the tunnel where the players drive out after the game. Guess who stops to sign autographs?? Padilla in his orange Lamborghini. My heart sped up immediately.
I have a note book with pictures I've taken of the players and in it is the picture of Padilla and me taken at Spring Training. I knew if I wanted it signed I was going to have to approach him. So I did and it wasn't that bad. And I was very happy I got that picture signed. I only shook a little bit.

And then today, two short days later, it's Fan Appreciation Day at the ballpark. They have players at the entrances to greet the fans. You guessed it Padilla is one of the players at our gate.
I thought, I can do this, I'll tell him thank you for hitting Aybar last night. (He's the guy that hit the ball into Kam's arm and he left the game with a nasty contusion Friday.)
So I did, I marched up there with sweaty palms and my heart racing and told him. He chuckled, I B-lined out of there, fighting a small crowd I made my way to Vikki and Craig.

They are telling Eleno Ornelas, the Rangers Spanish radio broadcaster, how Padilla is my favorite pitcher but that I am very scared of him. Eleno puts his arm around me and says, "He's a very nice guy, he's my friend, I'll introduce you. Don't be afraid of him."
I told him. "I'm good I just spoke to him". He literally pushes me up there, says something in Spanish to Padilla. Padilla smiles big, looks me straight in the eye and grabbed me for a hug. I thanked him and bowed out.
Eleno said, "See, he's a very nice guy!" I was so scared, I showed him my hand, it was shaking so much. Eleno said, "Oh my God your shaking! He turned to Craig and Vikki and said, "She's shaking!"
I said, "I told you he scares me. I have an unnatural fear of him."
My legs felt weak. You know how you feel when your driving along and you suddenly have to slam on the brakes, it turns out OK but you just feel week and noodlely? Well, that's how I felt, and it took me about 20 minutes before I was over it.
Eleno said "Now you owe me." and gave me a hug.
I said, "Oh, I owe you all right!"

After my blood pressure stabilized I was thankful for my Padilla encounters this weekend. He really is my favorite pitcher. I have his game worn autographed jersey, an autographed ball, and now, my autographed picture with him. I feel like a little kid with my collection of treasures from my favorite pitcher.
Dang, I love baseball!
Erin

I'll take the Rrrramon Vazquez please

The Ladies of the Snake Pit are creating a calendar. We decided since Erin has a swell camera & takes some pretty random shots we should use them to create a calendar that will cause joy to many women. (See, we are doing good this time around..not evil) The calendar is going to be a 2009 calendar entitled "Cup Check 08".

Baseball players have been known for years for "adjusting" themselves at the plate, on the mound,in the field on the bases & even in the dugout. This season Erin & I have discovered, everyone "cup checks" differently.(WHO KNEW???) Josh is discreet & tough to catch, Michael Young is quick about it & Guardado has this Sumo freakish ritual as he hits the infield grass that can cause cornea burns. Laird takes a hit to the cup better than anyone in MLB..TIVO & rewind..you'll believe us. Salty fusses with himself in between pitches and on and on. But no one has the market cornered on the cup check, like Rrrramon Vazquez.

I am not an authority on the proper ordering of cup sizes (I raised a girl), but I am guessing they come in various sizes. I will go out on a limb and suggest they come in small,(no one is going to own up to extra small) medium, large, extra large and perhaps even an extra extra large. Then there is what is known as the Rrrramon Vazquez. It of course is a special order, probably not a "big" demand for them.

We have noticed the Rrrramon for months but the oddest thing happened last week. Rrrramon did not look right, something was wrong...terribly wrong. He looked off balance & was caught "tripping all over himself" at third base. It hit us! The Rrrramon Vasequez cup was all wrong. Where was it? Was it an evil clubhouse prank for a jokester with cup envy? Was the Rrrramon cup lost, perhaps lost with luggage? Whatever the problem, things were askew, the planets were out of alignment & the Baseball gods appeared displeased.

We are pleased to announce the Rrrramon cup is securely back in place & he no longer appears off balance. Now the team just needs to get back on track.

We'll be selling our calendars at cost and are taking pre-booking orders now! We are including a picture of Rrrramon as a teaser,(haha I said teaser) of what the calendar will be.

With this new cup knowledge I was pleased to give words of wisdom to my 15 year old nephew. I told him when he ordered his equipment for baseball this year, tell the manager that he'll take the Rrrramon Vazquez cup and let him know ASAP. It's special order, you know.

We love Kevin Millwood

Last year the Snakepit, especially the ladies, developed a strong distaste of AJ Pierzynski. Actually, we do not like the White Sox at all, especially their cursing furbish speaking dictator of a manager..ole "what's his name." Remember when we beat the Sox their claim was it was an intricate system of lights in the offices to tip off our batters, or maybe Burhle just didn't bring his good stuff to the park that day. Anyway, if you all recall our very own Witchdoctor, Padilla not only hit AJ once, he hit him twice in the same game!! Greatness! We probably should mention the poor rookie dispatched to hit Blalock(who?)and when he did not the "Furbish One" berated him so badly he looked like he was crying and promptly sent him back to Triple A.

So last fall we put a "hit" on Pierzynsky. With that, we alerted the starting rotation and bullpen that when Pierzynsky came to bat..hit him. Now we are not brutal or evil women, so we requested a fast ball to the ribcage, no head hunting (we leave that for the very bad Roger Clemens).

Most of the pitchers were on board with this, except Gabbard and we all know what happened to him. He's gone "away" severely traumatized by flying objects. Batting helmets, birds, airplanes & ducks. He will never be the same thanks to the 6'8" #1 in the draft Sexon.

So the rotation has the word and night one we throw a bunch of rookies and they may not know about the hit. Okay we will prepare for night two. Millwood on the hill, Erin poised with camera for the at bat. Sure enough he hit him in the ankle. As the crowd gasped the ladies of the Snakepit felt the love from Millwood and as Erin snickered quietly,we high fived each other and I laughed out loud!

The ladies would also like to thank Salty who offered to knock him over at the plate (and after the HBP, he kinda looks like he wants to kick him..go ahead Salty, it's okay) Uuuhhh....Is That Murphy, offered to slide in cleats up and Metcalf who agreed to put the hurt on him.

So as it seems no one likes Pierzynsky and we made it obvious one hot July night. Thanks Millwood, we owe ya' a beer!

Your Momma Can't Spell

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or as the Snake Pit non-affectionately calls them "LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA".

Everyone knows the team...The chubby argumentative manager that likes to be tossed,
(with or without cause)..we don't care.

They are 1st place in the AL West, since the Red Flying Fish was a child.

They paid toooooo much money for a 239 average hitter GMJ..Chaaa-Ching!!!!

Anderson is getting old...Don't hit him..he may decompose right in front of you!

K-Rod...wow.. he may be good, but he CANNOT throw the Gyro!!!

Vlad...yes we still remember the line drive you hit of Kam's head...all is not forgiven. Walk him every time, or better yet....just hit him.

What you may not know is this team is made up of a bunch of men with very odd names.

Think about it for a minute:

Lackey.... who wants to be called a Lackey??? From the dictionary, "obedient follower" Well that's what I what to be known as...

Jon Garland... where did the "H" go? Was it overused the year he was born & there was a quota on them? "Oh Mrs Garland, I am sorry no John's this year, but you can go with Jon". Crazy!!

Jered Weaver, I am so sorry... I thought it was Jared..now there is another one to make fun of!

Vladimir... Wasn't he a Vampire somewhere in Transylvania??

Torii..excuse me, I am confused. I have heard of a Tori,(one i)..but she was a girl..

Maicer Izturis.. I got nothing...there is so much odd about that name I do not know where to start.

and finally... the favorite of the Ladies of the Snake Pit

Chone Figgins. Chone??? Pronounced Shawn even spelled Sean on occasion, but Chone?

This leads us to the conclusion "Angel's Momma's Can't Spell"

Vampires in the Bullpen

Erin and I have recently noticed a very odd phenomenon in the Ballpark. There appears to be vampires in the bullpen, perhaps even in the clubhouse. That has to explain the nasty bite marks on the necks of a couple pitchers.

We would like to investigate further and have a few questions. IF given the opportunity to talk to a few of the players here are the responses we anticipate getting....

The question is: Have you noticed the bruising from possible bite marks on two of your pitchers necks and how do you think they got there?

Answers: (hypothetical of course)

Gerald Laird: Bruising, there may be several bruises on Scotty tonight..No wait, let me look out of my good eye..oh yes..there is one..no idea how it got there. I have to go catch or play third, 0h wait, I am on the DL will just sit this out.

Marlon Bryd: Not gonna answer that unless you do the "bird" for me..

Parker Brothers: It's the work of the white devil. Let's all hate on him together

Salty: Yes I saw them, no idea what happened ( do you know my curls are natural??)..can Vikki come out & play???

Michael Young: I am sorry, I cannot comment. I am way too diplomatic!

Frankie Francisco: Si, I saw el mark on Scotty, pero no tengo an idea como it got there. Vampiros? No me gusto vampiros, you tengo una chair I can throw at the vampiro.

David Murphy: uhhh..okay. Maybe. Could be (was that Murphy???)

Josh Hamilton: I saw them, God love him bless his heart, he's on my prayer list. I don't believe in vampires. Perhaps there are some trashy women running around, I'll pray for them too.(Salty, leave Vikki alone..her curls are natural..like mine!!!)

Kam Loe: Dude, are you talking about me? It's along road trip yoyoing between OKC & Arlington, no vampires in my low rider!

Washington:LM?:sjwafdhsa freajfxwjceewkhrejcaefxaejjgcnfkjgk fdjng kdjfkfdjgk (we are not exactly sure what he said, but that's close)

C.J. Wilson: Is this a political discussion? Is it a trick question involving the upgrading of the Jumbotron? I best "shut up & pitch"

Blalock: I have not seen a thing, however I am oft injured and haven't seen the majors in awhile. I am scared to comment, my luck is bad enough.

Kinsler: I don't feel like talking or smiling. Vampires would never bother me, I am fractious.

So, we never really got a straight answer on the bite marks, but my bet is a hickey.

Come on boys aren't you just a little bit old for that? Don't make me bust out my "mommy" lecture on how tacky you really look!

A special thanks to Erin for pointing it out from her high def TV..I sat on my coffee table and squinted until I saw it.

One Kidney Does it all!

Three years ago Rangers Catcher, Gerald Laird, donated his kidney to Rangers Replay host, Mike O'Gulnik. And since then when Gerald comes to bat, we in the Snake pit have always said, "One kidney, does it all!" in unison.

Last Sunday, was Fan Photo Day. Bring your camera and go out on the field and take pictures of the Ranger players. My daughter, Aubrey and I hit the field with 1,000 or so, other fans. Later that night I unloaded my camera and looked at the pictures I had taken of Aubrey with players. (See posted photo, cropped for closer look.)

I looked closer at picture with Gerald and I couldn't believe what I saw! Not only is he minus a kidney....He's cross-eyed!!!

How did I go this long without noticing that? Better yet, how did it get passed Vikki?

Well, we had to change up our chant for Gerald. Now we'd say "One kidney, cross-eyed, does it all!"

Until, Yesterday, when Gerald played third base, with Vazquez at shortstop, because Michael Young was out with a strained ring-finger. - I heard he popped Ponson for getting in Kinsler's face about an error..........or he hurt it weight lifting.

Well, we had to yet again change up our chant for Laird. Now we say, "One kidney, cross-eyed, playing third, really does do it all!"

I can't wait till he starts pitching! This man is amazing. Lets not forget he's also Hispanic. I didn't know this till I saw his picture on the Hispanic Heritage Poster the Rangers handed out. Hmm

What a guy! Sorry ladies, I hear he's taken. He finally married the "Baby-Momma."

I would like to add that this blog is slightly embelished.

Erin

Hank Who?

A little back ground.....

Two years ago I was a little excited to get to a Rough Riders game to see Hank Blalock's little brother play ball. We went early to try and get autographs from the players before the game.
The lesser Blalock was signing so, Aubrey and I rushed over to get his autograph. He got right to Aubrey who was about 9 years old at the time and looked at her and said "That's it I got to go."

I understand having to go, a ball player needs to stretch before a game. (see above) We stayed where we were and after a few minutes he returned to sign some more. He got to Aubrey and again said "That's it"
I told Aubrey that I didn't think his britches were big enough to be big leaguing her like that. TWICE!

She didn't care... I did. Fast forward a few weeks and Hank is signing before a Rangers game. Aubrey and I wait for him to get down the short line of people to us. He signs for Aubrey and looks at me and says "That's it I got to go."
I was the only one left, there was no one after me. He big leagued me!!

That was it I had had it with the Blalock brothers. Hank was now DEAD to me. Every time Hank was announced before his at bat as well as merely mentioned, I always asked "Who?"
Hank began to struggle offensively. Vikki even resorted to bringing an IV line for him cause he was weak and thready. It didn't help much.

Hank seems to be on the DL quite consistently now days. hmmm And where is the lesser Blalock? How's he coming along in the minors?

Personally I don't think we need Hank anymore, we seem to be doing just fine without him. Third base is covered. Hank volunteers to play first and oops there goes the DL again.
I'm thinking he's a good DFA candidate.

Don't big league me, it doesn't set well.
Erin